Hold the Coffee

I believe I’m one of only 15 people in the entire Chicagoland who does not drink coffee. I’m not referring to just having a cup once in a while – I don’t drink it period. Upon learning this fact, the most common response I hear is “What do you do for caffeine in the morning?” For the longest time it was nothing – I just wake up and go about my day. Now, take that with a grain of salt because I’m a horrible morning person; I have to set my alarm for 7 am if I want to make sure I’m out of bed by 8, and even that is a chore. But as I approach my 31^st birthday I felt it was time to maybe mix up the routine a little bit.

Staring after Turkeypalooza I’ve been drinking a black tea in the morning at the office. I have noticed the caffeine effect of the black tea, and it’s actually been helpful in starting the day. But what I like about the tea as opposed to anytime I’ve ever tried coffee is it provides that feeling that jolt of caffeine. It’s a slow, soothing warm greeting – a gentle hug as opposed to a slap in the face. It’s enjoyable – especially since the heat at the office was out for the better part of this week.

Turkeypalooza - Totaly Awesome

I just wanted to take this chance to thank everyone who made it to Turkeypalooza IV: No FU(#!NG Around. As those of you who came can testify, it was totally boss as we managed to deep fry everything AND watch the Illini win another game. We had are usual suspects from Turkeypalooza past, as well as many new faces. We gladly accept our new Turkeypalooza family with open arms and clogged arteries.

But this party would not have been possible without a few very important people.

Drew was the host of this years party, and he did an absolutely gracious thing by letting tons of people come over and trash his place. Anyone who has thrown a party knows of the amount of effort required to get everything ready and open up your home to tons of people you may or may not know very well. Drew's place has become the ultimate party home. For those who have heard me say "Hey, we ordered the Sunday Ticket package for NFL games at my buddy's place, come on by" that is Drew's place. We effectively turned his house into Sunday Funday headquarters. So on top of him playing host every Sunday of the football season, he was super excited to host Turkeypalooza; an ordeal bigger than the Super Bowl. Not only did he host it, he also cleaned up everything before the rest of us had a chance to even contribute. The biggest party of the year would not have been possible without you. High Fives.

Secondly, there was my numero uno Jackie. You see, a turkey fryer (also known as 4 gallons of boiling peanut oil over an open flame tied to a propane tank) requires non stop attention. And at a party thrown by 4 drunk dudes with a fryer as the focus point, you can't really expect too much. To have a successful culinary party, you need to set up the table in both a logical and aesthetically pleasing fashion. Such a daunting task requires a true hostess' touch. Jackie is that amazing hostess. People would not have been able to eat without you. High Fives.

Lastly, I must thank my good friend Pabst Blue Ribbon. As always, you were cool, clean, refreshing, and your intoxicating deliciousness made everything so great. I would not have had a terrible headache the next day without you. High Fives.

So there you go. But more importantly, now we enter the other season in my two season life - Talladega. April 26th you cannot come fast enough.

Turkeypalooza IV

Drew and I needed to go grocery shopping after work for the world's greatest party: Turkeypalooza IV: No Fu(#!ng Around. To give you an idea of how awesome this party really is, here is what we acquired this evening:

44 lbs of Turkey
4 bags of stuffing
10 lbs of potatoes
1 box of bisquick
4 tubes of crescent rolls
4 packages of lil smokies
64 rolls
420 napkins
2 jars of pickles
12 egg

And that is just the first grocery run.

Now, for those of you who don't know, it's time I sit you down and tell you the story of Turkeypalooza. It all started many years ago in a land far, far away: Champaign. It was the last game of the football season, and Illinois was playing Northwestern on Thanksgiving Day in 2001 with a Big Ten Title on the line. As members of the Marching Illini, us beloved bandos were required to be in town for the game (and for those who know me, I would have been there anyway). Well, several of us got this great idea that we should cook dinner for our parents at the beloved 1004 W. Nevada, also known as the Trombone House. We acquired groceries, a turkey, and did all the things that our mothers and grandmothers had always done for Thanksgiving dinner.

I'll never forget Tedd, Jon Hakes, Susan, and myself working on things in the kitchen with our respective mothers standing in the doorway watching. They were all commenting to each other on our techniques and recipes, and how they wouldn't be caught dead doing it the way we were. I've never seen 5 mothers standing so desperate to get into a kitchen in my life. Remember, we're still in college so macaroni and cheese and cereal are pretty much the limits of our culinary ability, so their critiquing glares weren't exactly helping our already shaky nerves. Fortunately for us and our intestinal tracts, the dinner turned out to be a smashing success and everything went off smoothly.

So Tedd and I started thinking to ourselves - why don't we do this for our friends? And get loaded. And deep fry the turkey. Well, turn the clock forward to 2004 when we finally got the down to business and had Turkeypalooza I. No catchy title was necessary because we had a deep fryer and a keg. We had everything ready, except a plan. We started drinking at 10 am, and when everyone showed up at 3, we realized the only thing we managed to accomplish was get loaded. We were saved by some ladies who knew their way around the kitchen better than we did (not much had changed since college). But, most importantly, it was good. Really really good. So good, we needed another one: Turkeypalooza II: The Revenge. And then Turkeypalooza III: This Time We're Serious.

Which brings us to where we are today. It's Saturday, and it's going to be totally kick ass. No Fu(#!ng Around.